I will never be ok

I will never be ok

There will never be a day where sadness will not feel free to knock on my mind

And send me somewhere I don’t want to go

Or a memory will not flood me and make me feel a drowning sensation

A gasp for air

A clutch at hope in the face of despair.

I will never be ok.

There will never be even a moment when my sense of safety will return

And a step into any unknown will not generate a fear as if I am dangling at the edge of a cliff.

I will never be ok.

There will never be an interaction with another that might not give way to me feeling slighted, insulted or manipulated.

And hurt will be experienced out of the blue.

I will never be ok.

              But I find joy every day anyway.

              I feel sunshine on my face on cold days.

              I find beauty in the stars at night, despite the darkness.

I will never be ok.

I will be better than that.