My Older Brother

I idolized you,

And imitated you.

But I was young then,

And you were older,

But young then.

I stare at my age,

And I know that I have outlived you more than one way now.

But I never outran your laugh or your rebelliousness.

Both are the roots that helped me grow.

We grew up differently,

In oddly different times separated only by a handful of years,

And

In ways that only you and I and our siblings would understand.

Formative moments in your life,

Would be only distant memories that I kept below my surface

And allowed me time to breathe.

You held my son in your arms just after his birth.

I have the photos to prove it,

And my memory of that moment

To jump ahead of every other memory,

Good or bad,

Happy or sad,

And see you for the big brother,

That held my first kid in your arms,

And smiled the goofy family smile

That we always hold in common.

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